“Motherhood changes everything”

Adriana TriGIANi

Yep, motherhood sure does change everything. From the moment that sweet little bundle makes its not so glamorous exit from your uterus to the moment you leave this earth, your life will never be the same. Does that scare you? I’ll admit, it still scares me after all these years. My kids are 16 and 17 and I’m still trying to keep up! I wouldn’t trade it for the world though, and if I had to compare it with all of my achievements in life, motherhood certainly beats out the competition. As I am sure you are aware, this job isn’t easy (or for the faint of heart) and I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve made some significant blunders along the way, like the time I dropped my kid. Yes, I dropped my kid. She was wriggling so much………Let’s just say she won’t let me live that one down. No worries, she landed on her cushy little butt and just got up and walked away from the scene. I learned two valuable lessons that day……..1) kids are tougher than we sometimes give them credit for and 2) I’m not superwoman.

So what do you need to know as a mom?

1. Being a mom is hard work

To the mom out there who can’t even get a minute to go pee………I know your struggle

To the mom out there sending your kid off to school for the first time……..I know your struggle

To the mom out there who just witnessed another kid be mean to yours…….I know your struggle

To the mom out there who just lost a child……my heart breaks for you

To the mom out there who just left her child behind on a college campus……I will soon know your struggle

To the mom of a depressed child…..I know your struggle very, very well

To the mom out there having a rough day……I know your struggle

This mom thing is hard work and I know you are putting in the time. Whether you’re picking up after your kids or helping them make life-changing decisions, your efforts will not be in vain. Hard work pays off. You are making your child’s world a better place despite all the emotional and physical struggles you endure. Keep at it momma, your kids are looking and they see your good works, even if they don’t say it out loud.

2. Each child is different

My kids are like night and day. They are different in every way. My son is brimming with self-confidence and self-esteem while my daughter struggles with these. My son loves school while my daughter hates it. My son is very easy-going and chill while my sweet girl stresses about everything. I’ll tell you, it certainly makes for interesting parenting. My approach to each child has to be completely different. So much for learning everything after the first child. The sooner you recognize their differences, the better.

3. Your body may never be the same

From stretch marks to body parts not resting where they’re supposed to, a lot changes. Embrace these changes, they are like your battle scars. This can inspire you to pursue a healthy, fitness-oriented lifestyle or not. The choice is yours. Just remember, it is your body. Love it and treat it right.

4. Failure comes with the territory

I dropped my own kid, remember? Epic fail…..one of many. Some failures are harder to stomach than others but the important thing to remember is that if you don’t pick yourself up and keep going, the weight of that failure will keep you down and stop you from shining.

“Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up”

Chinese Proverb

5. Your kid will lie to you

I’ve been told by a certain someone that I’m married to, that I’m too gullible. I’m sorry but it’s a little difficult to fathom that the little creatures that I birthed could even utter untruths to me. The fact of the matter is, it started before you even realized. Picture this, “Little Johnny, did you spill that paint all over the ground?” Little Johnny is quick to reply, “No!” It’s just you and Johnny at home and you were busy preparing lunch in the kitchen…….oh and little Johnny is suddenly sporting a very colorful get-up. There it was….. Johnny told a lie. Granted, this little lie may be inconsequential, except for the fact that you have been given yet another task to add to your chore list. The point is, they will lie, especially when they want to avoid unwanted consequences. If you’ve been blessed with a child that can’t and won’t lie, you’re lucky. For the rest of us, take the blinders off, don’t be naive, and know that your children will lie to you. Keeping the channels of communication open is necessary to make sure it doesn’t happen too often and so that your child knows that he can come to you for anything. Oh yeah, some topics will kick you straight out of your comfort zone, be prepared.

6. You can’t save your child from every heartache

This one hits home for me. My depressed daughter deals with a lot on a daily basis. As much as I’d like to swoop in and make it better, I can’t, not all of the time. Whatever the cause of the heartache, just be there for your kid. Be a shoulder to cry on or lend a pair of listening ears. Remember that as difficult as this may be to stomach, these are all learning opportunities for you and your child. Your child needs to experience these emotions. They need to know that it is okay to cry, it is okay to express their feelings and it is okay to give themselves permission to heal. Life is a learning curve, for all of us.

7. It is okay to say NO

In my house, I’m known as the killjoy. I wear that one with pride because, in the end, my kids know that I’m not afraid to make the difficult calls, and believe me, these days there are many. Teenage kids are so needy! Saying no can certainly be difficult sometimes but if it’s the answer that is required, just do it and stand by your decision. Your kids may not take it well but in the long run, they will thank you for it. Your kids don’t need you to be a friend, they need you to be a parent.

8. Your child may remind you of your younger self

What were you like as a kid? Fate has an uncanny way of getting back at you for all of your blunders of the past. It takes your kid and molds him into version 2 of you, not necessarily an updated or better functioning version I might add. You look at your child and you are astounded that your parents stuck it out with you. Guess what, you’re stuck with your mini-you too! I wasn’t a terrible kid by any standards but it’s still kind of unnerving when I look at my daughter and see her struggling with the same things that I did, or doing things that I would have done. Oh, and remember the point that I made about each child being different? Yeah, my son is the exact opposite of my daughter, and guess whose mini-me he is? Yep, my husband’s. I guess opposites really do attract. Bottom line is, just make the best of it. Filter out and elevate the good while kicking all the negative traits to the curb. Oh, and don’t forget to have a good chuckle at the fact that nature got you back, big time.

9. Choose your words wisely

“Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs”

Pearl Strachan Hurd

The most hateful and damning words can escape your mouth in anger. It is imperative that in the heat of an argument, you stop and collect yourself and not pursue any discussion or argument in anger. Your words can have long-lasting effects, so choose them wisely. Just as negative words can have long-lasting effects, so too can positive and encouraging words. Use them, use them a lot.

10. Your child needs and wants you even if they say otherwise

Having a parent around is huge. Having lost both of my parents, I realize just how much their presence in my life impacted me. Your kids need you for advice. They need you to say “good job” when they do something awesome, and they need your love. Some kids have a hard time expressing this need and even end up coming across as straight-up jerks, but persevere, momma, your kid needs you and wants you, I have no doubt in my mind.

11. You can learn from your child

Put your ego aside and let the child teach you a thing or two! Everybody’s journey through life is unique and each person’s perspective is different. Your child may see things differently than you do, be receptive to their thoughts and ideas. They have value. In this world where information is at our fingertips, our children are fed larger volumes of information than we ever had to digest at that age. They may actually know more stuff than us but we hold the trump card, experience. It is the greatest teacher.

12. Motherhood is not a competition

It’s tough to look around and not find yourself trying to measure up to other moms. Susie from across the street always looks like she’s got it together. Her hair is always done, her house is impeccably clean, she juggles work and being a mom, and she takes her kids to all their sporting activities. Susie may very well have it all together, but on the flip side, she may not. It is impossible to know the intricacies of each person’s journey through life unless you live with that person or are someone that they confide in. Behind the scenes, Susie may be battling demons of her own. We are all human and we all have life issues to deal with. Let Susie deal with hers and you deal with yours and be a supportive friend or fellow mom when the opportunity arises.

“To compare yourself to others is to forget the uniqueness of your own journey”

Unknown

13. It is okay to ask for help

One of the hardest things for any person to do is to admit that they need help. Let’s say the words together, “I need help.” There is no shame in that and it is NOT a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it is a sign that you have reached a desirable level of self-realization. You know who you are and what your limitations are and you are not afraid to open yourself up to accepting help. Don’t let pride get in the way. Ask for help, accept it, and show gratitude for it. Being a mom is tough work, you deserve a break.

So there you have it, whether you are a new mom or you’ve been in the mom business for a while, I hope that my thoughts will help you gain some insight into this thing called motherhood.