It’s been one heck of a year, hasn’t it? And the hits keep coming. Through all of the craziness this year, I have made a point of listing out, even if it’s only in my head, all of the things that I am grateful for, big and small. Last week, our kids started school. The first week seemed to have gone smoothly, and for that I am thankful. The less chaos the better. Chaos is not welcome here. I am desperately trying to keep on top of things and stay organized and calm. If I succeed, I keep my cool, and my depressed daughter and husband do well. I’ll take that any day, and I’ll challenge anything that threatens that outcome. The struggle is real but I’m up for it…..most days, just not today.
How has your day been? I’ve had better.
Some days are tougher than others. August 31 is one of those days for me, and to make matters worse, it’s Monday. I’m not a fan of Mondays. In Trinidad and Tobago, where I grew up, August 31 is a special day. It is Independence Day there, and this year marks the 58th year of independence from British colonial rule. As a child, I would eagerly wake up at 6 am to watch the Independence Day parade on the television with my family. We didn’t do much to commemorate the day ourselves but it was a public holiday, and the whole family was at home. We always loved spending time together. When I got married and moved to the USA, I wasn’t able to celebrate with my family but the day and all the memories of family time that came with it, continued to hold a special place in my heart. On August 31, 2010, everything changed. I got the call that I’ve dreaded my whole life. My dad had passed away peacefully in his sleep. When he took his final breath, I was thousands of miles away. It broke my heart that I wasn’t with him in his final moments. That night, I got on a plane, sad and alone, to go and be with my family. It’s been 10 years since he’s been gone. As they say, time heals all wounds. The sting of losing a parent never quite goes away but it diminishes with time. My father lived a good life………in fact, he lived a great life. The world was a better place with him in it. He was an incredible educator, a wonderful husband, and an incredible dad. Before he passed, my husband, my kids, and I were able to go to Trinidad and spend an entire month with him. It gave me peace and satisfaction to have that time together. I have no regrets. If you have lost someone in your life, you know that on the anniversary of their death, you tend to relive the events of the day of their passing in your mind. I did this today, as I have done every August 31 since 2010. I remember where I was when I got the call. I remember that gut-wrenching feeling of despair that I felt. I remember everything.
Wait, there’s more…..
In the true spirit of 2020, August 31 wasn’t done with me yet. Over the weekend, my sweet dog Miko had started throwing up. We made an appointment to get him seen on Monday morning. We kept a close eye on him till then. It was heart-wrenching to see him sick. On Monday morning, he started looking very weak. He had vomited several times and was refusing to eat anything. After spending the day at the vet’s office, we were informed that the X-rays that were taken showed that he had ingested a foreign body. He needed to be admitted to the hospital. We have always kept a close eye on Miko because he likes to chew on things. I felt guilty that somehow my poor supervision had resulted in Miko ingesting something that he shouldn’t have. To think that this was my fault was just too much to handle on this particular day. I am supposed to protect him. I had failed him. Now, he may need surgery to get the object out. It was all just too much. We had to leave him in a strange place and it broke my heart. Covid-19 precautionary measures taken at the hospital meant that we said our goodbyes to Miko from the car. We couldn’t go in and see him get settled in. Driving away was the hardest thing to do. The uncertainty of the situation was a lot to bear and it could bring with it a huge financial burden. Tonight, our Miko is sleeping apart from his family. We miss him. We don’t know what the future holds for him.
So, how are you doing? Have you had a good day or a bad one? If you are up to it, I’d love to hear about your day. It helps to talk about things, good and bad. I am here for you. Writing brings me joy and provides a source of comfort when I need it. What brings you comfort during your difficult times? Yep, my day was awful and I’ve certainly had better days.
Update on Miko:
Miko stayed 2 nights at the hospital and thankfully did not need surgery. The foreign object was digestible. We believe it may have been a rawhide stick that he gobbled up too quickly resulting in large pieces getting stuck in his stomach. All of our dogs love that treat but unfortunately, we will no longer be giving the rawhide sticks to them. We are just too fearful that this can happen again. Miko is back home with us and doing better every day. Even though what happened was not our fault, we are still going to keep a careful eye on Miko. The rough days will come, but so will the good ones. Take each day as it comes. You are filled with greatness. You can do this. If I can, so can you.
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