Who needs mental well-being anyway?

Achieving a state of mental well-being takes work. Don’t believe me? How many of you have a cup of coffee in the morning to stay sane for the rest of the day? What happens if you don’t get that coffee? Chances are your day might unravel right in front of you if you don’t find that pick me up quickly. For most of us, this might be all that we need to go on to have an amazing and productive day. You might think you’re not putting in the work, but my friend, if you are leaving your house 15 minutes earlier to make it through the Starbucks drive-thru, you are definitely putting in the work! For others, the quest for mental well-being takes a little more than just that cup of joe. For these people, it is a daily struggle to achieve some semblance of normalcy, it takes great effort and it also takes willpower. Who are these people anyway? These are the ones who have seemingly insurmountable difficulties in their lives, these are the ones dealing with grief and traumatic experiences, and these are the ones dealing with physical and mental health disorders. The day-to-day struggle for these people is real and sometimes cannot be achieved without the help of medication. When Covid-19 made its way to our shores, and the stay-at-home orders were put in place, it set in motion a great battle for many to keep the sad feelings and negative outlook on life at bay. For the people already struggling to keep it together, life had just become many times more difficult in the blink of an eye. How do I know? My husband and teenage daughter both suffer from depression and let me say that if you haven’t yet reached out to someone that you know in a similar state of mind since all of this went down, you should. Don’t underestimate the impact you can have on that person, don’t underestimate how much your time and effort can mean to that person because believe me when I say, it could mean everything to them, everything.

What can you do to achieve mental well-being?

• Have a routine

Before stay-at-home orders were put in place in our state, it was life as normal. We had a daily routine that for the most part worked for our particular family situation. I was getting off work as a teacher at 2:30 pm which allowed time to do other things, things with my family and, things for my family. When I got home from work, the kids were getting home from school around the same time. Sometimes my son would come home later because he usually has some sort of sports practice after school. For about 30 minutes or so we would sit and talk about our day and catch up on things in general. We would then get dressed and set out for the gym. After the gym, we would either eat take out or come home and cook dinner. My husband is a fantastic cook and is always very willing to cook for us, much to my relief because I’m not a big fan of cooking myself. He cooks and I do the dishes and the cleaning. That’s a win-win arrangement if you ask me! After dinner and showers were done the kids would settle down to do their homework while my husband and I either did more odds and ends around the house or sat down and watched some tv. At some point, we all headed off to bed, set our alarms for the next morning so that we could wake up and do it all again. In March my husband had traveled abroad, so when we were asked to stay at home, he was still on foreign soil. We had, however, settled into a new normal while he was gone which involved everything we did while he was at home. We were just doing it without him, and yes, I had to cook. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait for him to return home and reclaim his place in the kitchen! The element of predictability is vital for some, I know it is for me. Knowing what is expected of me and when it is expected gives me a sense of comfort. When the stay-at-home orders were put in place, our routine as we knew it was gone. The first few days were quite unusual, but being at home with the kids, knowing we were doing something to ensure our health and the health of others was comforting. It became painfully obvious after a short time that we needed to create a routine while we were at home. Our days, even if they started at a later time, had to begin with making our beds. I’ve had my teens ask me why they had to make their beds if they are only going to have to sleep in them again. Sheesh, kids………. Making the bed might seem like a trivial task but for many, it sets the day in motion the right way. It gives you a sense of accomplishment early on in the day, which hopefully sets the tone for the rest of the day ahead. The structured day helped my daughter deal not only with the big change she was experiencing but also with breaking down tasks into little chunks so that she didn’t become overwhelmed, which is something she struggles with on a day-to-day basis.

• Exercise

Before the stay at home orders, we went to the gym every day without fail. We were trying to lead a healthier lifestyle but we were also helping our daughter in her day-to-day battle with depression. She had expressed to us that going to the gym gave her a sense of accomplishment, made her feel good about herself, improved her mood and, gave her a sense of purpose. As any parent would do, we committed to ensuring that we took her to the gym to help her depression and self-esteem. Working out also helped my husband keep his depression at bay. The day the gym closed its doors was a very sad day for all of us. Not only was our routine being messed with but our biggest weapon in the fight against depression was gone. I’ll be honest with you, we attempted to keep up with exercises at home but it just wasn’t the same. The mere act of leaving our home and going to a facility where other like-minded people went to exercise was very important to us. Nevertheless, we persevered. My daughter went on walks around the neighborhood and used the weights we had at home to keep active. I can’t begin to tell you how ecstatic we all were when the gym reopened!

• Do something fun

My daughter’s idea of fun is shopping. Great for her, not so good for my bank account. I’ve had to implement the “use your own money” tactic to keep the expenses within reason and it has all-in-all worked out in my favor. It may not be a popular way of doing things for some parents but I let her have her fun at the mall and stores because it makes her happy. Happiness can be so elusive to depressed patients sometimes, and it is so important to identify the things that bring them joy. My husband likes shopping too, although he’ll never admit it, he just does it online instead. When all the stores closed because of the Covid-19 outbreak, my kid was devastated. Even though she didn’t go shopping all the time, the mere fact that she couldn’t do it was difficult to accept. I had the difficult task of finding things to do at home that would bring her joy. Incredibly it wasn’t that hard. We began playing Bananagrams almost every day. Have you ever played it? If you’re into word games like me this is one game you shouldn’t pass up. It’s really fun, well that is until your 17-year-old son starts beating you in every game! Giving credit where credit is due, however, he is really smart, sometimes too smart! Other things we did were watching movies together. My daughter and I did at-home pedicures as well.

• Meet up with friends and family

Social interaction is vital for humans. I migrated to the USA many, many years ago. I left my parents and siblings behind and if there is one thing I miss more than anything, it’s spending time with family. I urge you to not take your family for granted. If you have family out there, keep in contact with them and, meet up from time to time if you can. You are lucky to have them. There are people out there, like me, who would give anything to just be with their families again. If you have friends, be sure to make time in your life for them too because if your friends are keepers, they will always be there for you no matter what. When the stay-at-home orders were put in place, the element of face-to-face social interaction vanished. Honestly, as an introvert with family living overseas, I didn’t feel the impact of this as I’m sure it must have impacted others. My children on the other hand felt the brunt of it, especially my son. There was no more hanging out with friends and no more sports. That didn’t stop my son from asking a million times a day if he could hang out with friends though. He later realized that this was something I wasn’t going to budge on and eventually gave up asking. I often wonder what quarantine would have looked like if there were no social media outlets available to the kids but I am thankful that they were. I believe it lessened the blow and made staying at home more bearable.

• Treat yourself

Yes! Treat yourself to something nice. You deserve it! As long as you do it within your financial means it should be okay. My daughter has a favorite drink that she gets from Starbucks, a strawberry refresher drink. When I tell you that she LOVES that drink, it is an understatement! She says it takes her to her happy place. As a mother of a child with depression, you wish that your child is happy ALL of the time but this just isn’t the case. I was devastated in the initial stages of quarantine when we couldn’t get her favorite drink for her. Yes, the drive-thru was open but we were doing our best to stay safe and avoid getting food and drink from outside. Now that things have reopened and somewhat normalized, I can offer her a trip to Starbucks if she’s feeling down.

• Find a hobby

Hobbies give people a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, and joy. What’s your hobby? If you don’t have one go out there and find one! During quarantine, I saw so many posts on social media about people and the various hobbies they had. Having time at home gave people time to invest in these hobbies and it warmed my heart to see and hear about them. People were reading books, gardening, painting, taking walks, cooking and so much more. My personal favorite is scrapbooking but I didn’t do a whole lot of it while quarantined since I was too busy cleaning the house. And no, cleaning is NOT my hobby even though my kids swear it is, it just needed to get done! My daughter took up watching different shows on Netflix as I know a lot of people did too.

• Help others

There is a wide range of things people can do to help others. It can be simple or more complex, do what suits your comfort level. You’ll find that when you give of your time to someone else and you add value to their lives in some way, it will bring you joy and a sense of satisfaction. People sometimes make this more complicated than it needs to be, I do, because I feel like I’m putting my introvert self out there, and that makes me uncomfortable. That’s ok, you just have to do what feels right for you. Pay for someone’s meal at a restaurant, help an elderly person make it safely across a parking lot, help them with their groceries or, just smile. Have you ever noticed that if someone smiles at you, it makes you feel warm inside? Imagine doing that for someone else, someone who could be having a bad day and needs some upliftment. Don’t underestimate your impact on others. Everyone has a valuable contribution to make, don’t sell yourself short. One day, after having decided that it was safe again for us to get my daughter her favorite drink at Starbucks, we pulled up in the drive-thru line. My daughter was having an especially tough time keeping the sad feelings away and it broke my heart. When we drove up to the window, we learned that the person in the car in front of us had paid for her drink. You have no idea what that did for my daughter, it makes me tear up with joy just thinking back at the impact it had on her. Her parents were getting her favorite drink for her but a stranger had demonstrated an act of kindness that directly affected her. It made her so happy, it made her feel that there were people out there that cared about HER. To the woman in the white SUV that demonstrated this beautiful gesture of kindness, thank you. You made my daughter’s day, you put a smile on her face, you made her feel special and you let her know that people cared about other people. Most of all, you helped me, as a mom, as I struggled that day to see my daughter sad and forlorn.

• Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations are positive phrases or complete statements that are used to oppose any negative or worthless thoughts that someone may have. As suggested by my daughter’s health care provider, we have slowly started to implement these in our daily routine.

Here are a few simple ones we have come up with:

I am enough

I am loved

I am strong

I am worthy of happiness

I understand that everyone, including myself has shortcomings

I am in control of every decision I make, I will make good ones

For some, reciting these might seem like a silly or futile exercise but it takes practice and has been immensely helpful in my child’s daily routine to start the day off positively. When feelings of worthlessness and helplessness set in during quarantine, these simple words put things in perspective for our daughter.

Life has many challenges

So who needs mental well-being anyway? The truth is, we all do! The Covid-19 pandemic came out of nowhere and threw us all for a loop. Make no mistake, life’s challenges WILL come and they WILL threaten your happiness and strength. They will, however, be bumps in the journey of life. Actively seek out the things that will help you cope because you need to take care of you, especially if you have people who depend on you. Too often people focus on their physical well-being and neglect the emotional and mental aspects of health.