11 Things Your Depressed Teen Desperately Needs From You Now

A diagnosis of depression has been made, now what?

If your child has been given a diagnosis of depression, chances are you’ve been through some really tough times. Breathe, my friend, you did the right thing. You recognized the signs and symptoms and sought professional help for your child. Now the journey to finding a sense of normalcy has begun. Are you ready? Is your depressed teen ready? Maybe you’re still trying to internalize it all; that’s okay. You are on the right path; make no mistake about that.

When my daughter was diagnosed with depression, it didn’t magically take the symptoms away. What it did was validate her feelings and emotions and made them real to her and us. Now there was a reason why things had gone so terribly wrong in the months gone by; the poor grades, the mood swings, the lack of desire and motivation to do things, and the paralyzing sadness that crept up on her more than she would have liked.

She began taking her prescribed medicine, knowing full well that it alone wasn’t going to cure her. As we are learning firsthand, it takes so much more. She has to do her part to adjust how she perceives things and reacts to them, but we as parents also have a crucial role.

None of us is perfect, and we shouldn’t kid ourselves that we are. We must accept that we ALL have shortcomings but be WILLING to tackle the learning curve when dealing with a depressed teen. You won’t always get it right, trust me, my daughter lets me know every time I get it wrong. Are you willing to accept that criticism and move forward by changing your behavior? It’s hard not to take it personally sometimes. After all, your child is challenging the very way that you are parenting. Because of these criticisms, I have compiled this list of things that your depressed child needs from you.

What are the 11 things that your depressed teen needs from you?

1. Patience

When something is not going your way or is displeasing to you, you want nothing more than for it to hurry up and go away. This is our human nature. Unfortunately, most things don’t work that way, especially a diagnosis of depression. My kid will be the first one to tell you how impatient I am. It’s true, and I’m not proud of it. Does that make me a bad person? No, but it can and will hinder any progress you want to achieve. This is new territory for her and us as parents. My husband also suffers from depression but dealing with his depression and dealing with hers are two separate entities.

According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, to be patient is to bear pains or trials calmly or without complaint. When chores don’t get done when I want them to be done, I stop, breathe, and remind myself that my child has depression and that it is important not to demand things on my timeline. Don’t raise your voice, don’t outwardly show your disapproval, and don’t storm off. That only causes anxiety and has a negative impact. Instead, try to come up with a compromise that suits the two of you. Patience is truly a virtue.

2. Time

Modern life is busy. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. My number one priority has and will ALWAYS be my family. I learned this important lesson from my parents; family is everything. Finding time to spend with your depressed teen every day can be a real challenge, but it MUST be done. Why? This can be such a confusing and lonely time for your child. Do you want them going through this alone? I know you don’t; I certainly don’t.

Nothing makes me cringe more than knowing that my child is hurting. I’m sure that you feel the same way. So, carve out a little time in your day to spend meaningful and valuable time with your child. Sometimes my daughter and I snuggle up and watch a movie, sometimes we just talk (or cry). However, you choose to spend time with your child, make it count, and make sure you put your phone down! You’ll see that both you and your child come out feeling better than you might have felt before.

3. Understanding

If you think you know what your depressed child is going through, you may not. You are aware of all the things they may be experiencing, but you don’t know exactly HOW they feel unless you suffer from depression. It can be quite a helpless feeling at times as a parent, but rest assured that if your child knows that you understand that they are going through something difficult, it can help them immensely. Don’t brush off their feelings; acknowledge them. Offer words of advice to help combat these feelings. If your child has been prescribed medication by their health professional, make sure they are taking it as prescribed.

4. Love

I came across a beautiful quote about love that pretty much sums it up.

“I LOVE YOU” means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I don’t wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you, just as you don’t expect it from me. ‘I Love You’ means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you are in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you are down, not just when you’re fun to be with.”

-Deanne Laura Gilbert

5. Hope

How do you combat hopelessness when it is a manifestation of your child’s depression, an actual symptom? I’ll admit that this is a tough one. There is no doubt that medication and sessions with the doctor and therapist help greatly, but what can you as the parent do about it? Well, here is what I do. Thankfully for us, the moments when our daughter experiences these feelings are short and fleeting. She mostly ruminates that she may always be depressed and will never be normal. I don’t try to explain it all away, and I say nothing at all. Instead, I let her express her feelings, even if I disagree with them, and I hold her when she cries.

Human contact is a magnificent tool that we all have at our disposal. Use it. I do. You’ll see that both you and your child gain immense benefit from it. When the feelings of hopelessness lift, I seize the opportunity to give a more positive outlook on life. This brings me to my next point.

6. Positive vibes, actions, and thoughts

When I witness my child in the throes of depression, my heart sinks, and honestly, the last thing I feel like doing is being positive. Why does my child have to go through this? I’d give anything to take it all away, so she could just be a carefree teenager, but I can’t. I don’t know the answer to my question, but I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. As parents, we must do everything in our power to protect our mental health. I urge you to seek the necessary help if you think you can’t do it alone. We can’t spread positivity if we don’t believe in it.

My daughter and I use positive affirmations daily. Yes, I said we. She has hers, and I have mine. It’s kind of like speaking things into existence. It gets you in the right frame of mind, and if done at the beginning of the day, it gets you ready to face whatever comes later. We also try to focus on the things that we are grateful for. I tell her often that I am grateful for HER and that she possesses many qualities that make me love her. She is such a sweet, thoughtful, loving, and kind girl. She is mine, and I am so proud of her.

7. Laughter

A few mornings ago, my husband and I were just waking up, and he made a silly joke. He is a pretty funny guy. It was a funny joke. I couldn’t tell you what it was or why it was so funny, but I remember as clear as day how he laughed. It was that belly-jiggling kind of laugh, the kind where you can’t even stop if you wanted to, the kind that makes your eyes water. I remember just looking at him and enjoying the sight of him being so happy. At that moment, all was right with our world.

It seems so simple and silly, but I aim to do this for my daughter every day. Do I succeed every time? Nope, not a chance, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. I show her silly videos that I come across on social media that she says only older people laugh at. She cracks up, looking at me, laughing my head off. I tickle her. We watch funny movies together. We do silly dances that no one outside of our family should ever see. Laugh often; it comes highly recommended.

“A good laugh heals a lot of hurts.”

– Madeleine L’Engel

8. Encouragement

The very crux of being a teenager is that feeling of invincibility and fearlessness. When a diagnosis of depression mars those feelings, your teenager can be left feeling inadequate and incapable. I’ve heard my daughter say things like, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not smart enough,” or “I have no talents.” I’ve heard it all, and while she is saying these things to me, I’m screaming NO in my head. The fact is she IS smart, she IS good enough, and she IS crazy talented! She loves art and is so good at it. Just look at this fantastic drawing that she did!

She drew this! I am in awe of the things that she can draw and create. She is just 15! So, my job as her parent is to let her know, not just today, but every day, how amazing she is, how talented she is and that the world can be her playground if only she will let it be.

9. A listening ear

Don’t we ALL just want to be heard? Life as a teenager is already challenging; life as a depressed teenager can be brutal. I want my kid to know that her voice matters, her feelings matter, and SHE matters. Sometimes when our kids are going through things, we can have verbal diarrhea. We want to tell them everything we know about things; we want to share our experiences and offer lots of advice.

It’s a learning process, but sometimes we just have to silence our inner therapist and let the child talk. Oh, and while you’re at it, make sure and put that cell phone down. Your kid wants your undivided attention; believe me, I’ve learned this the hard way. We aren’t trying to be rude, but adulting is hard. We try to juggle everything and multitask (which I suck at, by the way), and admittedly, we do a lot of it on our mobile devices. PUT THE PHONE DOWN!

10. Acceptance

Having a mental health diagnosis comes with a stigma we often try to deny. It is a reality that my child endures every day. Depression makes her feel like an outsider in her own world, it colors her perspective daily, and it taints the way she sees herself. Peers can be cruel sometimes, and hearing whisperings at school about her mental state has made her feel like an outcast.

All she wants is to be accepted for who she is. All teenagers want that; she is no different. I can’t change the way other people think and act, but I will continue to do my part to let my child know that she is acceptable to me, in my world, in my life….forever.

11. Pick-me-ups

What kinds of things do you fancy? What does your kid enjoy? Mine likes spending our money! Sometimes, when warranted, I give in and spoil her a little. She LOVES Starbucks, so we treat her from time to time. She LOVES shopping, so we do some of that too. Usually, we would take her to her favorite stores, but we have switched to online purchases since the pandemic ensued. I love seeing the smile on her face when we treat her. It just makes my day. Thankfully she is easy to please. When you peel back the mask of depression, my sweet little girl is still there.