12 Qualities Of A Good Wife That You Need To Know Now

Am I Good Enough?

Do I have the qualities of a good wife? Am I good enough? You may find yourself asking these questions often. I do, not every day, but often. The challenges we, as women face as wives and mothers are great, but if we don’t stand up to them we find ourselves questioning our worth, our strength, and even our purpose. Let me stop you right here. YOU ARE ENOUGH. You’re not going to be at your best at all times my friend, and guess what, that’s okay. Nobody’s perfect, but does that stop you from trying to be? No!! You get up every morning, and after you’ve had that cup of coffee (or two) you’re ready to conquer the world. A lot of us place a great emphasis on our jobs as a measure of our worth, but if you’re not putting in the effort at home too, you’ve got some work to do. Don’t get me wrong, as much as I would love to believe that I am the perfect wife and the perfect mother, I’m not. I try to be, but I’m not. I’m okay with that because I’m not striving for perfection here, as long as I’m close enough, and everyone is happy, I’m good to go. The thing I love the most about this life is that the joy is in the journey. We live and we learn. We learn and we conquer. So, you self-evaluate and find that you don’t possess all the qualities of a good wife, do you throw in the towel and call it quits? Wouldn’t that be something if we could just walk away and get a do-over? Well I guess you could do that if you file for divorce, but you’ll be dragging the same baggage into future relationships, and that my friend is a recipe for disaster. Most people don’t choose divorce as their first plan of action but instead, they try to work on what’s gone wrong. If they can’t do it alone, that’s where counseling comes in. See what I’m trying to get at here? They are taking action, they are doing something about it. If you don’t think you have the qualities of a good wife, then work at it, work on you, do it for your marriage. Hopefully, your hubby is doing the same. I’ve had days when I just wanted to give up, but I haven’t. I’m still here, for better or for worse. Each of our circumstances is different, no two journeys look the same. Mine is colored by a depression that my husband struggles with every day. It’s not easy for either of us, but it has triggered an evolution in me, one that causes me to seek out and find a better version of myself. On this journey of self-discovery, reflection, and contemplation, I strive to acquire the qualities I need to be a good wife.

The 12 Qualities of a good wife

1. She loves herself

You may have heard somewhere that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t truly love someone else. I agree, here’s why. Love is a complicated emotion that bestows a level of importance on the object or person receiving it. In the great scheme of life, the higher someone ranks on the hierarchy of love, the more attention that person receives. When you don’t love yourself, instead of taking care of you, you are spending all of your time and energy on someone else. There is nothing wrong with that, but neglecting yourself will eventually backfire. At some point, feelings of resentment may surface. Negative feelings may arise and start to undermine the way you interact with your spouse. Feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and lack of trust may enter your relationship. When you take the time to love yourself, you will find that you are more confidently able to give of yourself without feeling drained or cheated. You will be able to give of yourself without expecting anything in return.

2. She respects herself

According to Your Dictionary, SELF RESPECT is defined as holding yourself in esteem and believing that you are good and worthy of being treated well. Identify the characteristics that positively influence your self-worth, such as honesty and kindness. Use them daily. It is only when you respect yourself that you can respect your spouse as an individual, with his own characteristics that make him worthy of being treated well.

3. She is kind

Kindness in a marriage can take many forms. Some women are okay with laying out their husband’s work clothes for him in the morning while for some, that’s an absolute no-no. I have found that the key to being kind to someone is doing things that are purposeful and well-intentioned without compromising who you are or the standards you live by. Whatever form kindness takes in your marriage, whether it’s the small or the big things, you will find that not only does it set the tone for the day but it also establishes mutual respect that is vital in a marriage.

4. She is willing to compromise

As defined by Your Dictionary, COMPROMISE is when two sides give up some demands to meet somewhere in the middle. Yes, yes I know, this one is tough for most of us but I want you to think back to the last time you had it out with your husband and you did not reach a compromise. I’m guessing the fight just kept going on and on with no end in sight. I’m guessing you were mentally tormented way longer than you should have been. I’m guessing it wasn’t fun times as usual for you or the kids. Being able to compromise means being willing to stand down to reach an agreement. I get it, there are some situations more difficult than others and I know that some issues will directly affect your sense of right and wrong and your moral compass. For me, these are a no-brainer, if it’s wrong, it’s wrong, and don’t expect me to budge on it. Thankfully most situations that I have encountered in my marriage don’t mess with my moral compass because I don’t think that my marriage would survive. I play by the rules, always. In the end, compromise results in less heartache, less tribulation, and less tension.

5. She likes to laugh

This is me right here. I laugh like it’s nobody’s business! My kids shake their heads at me because they think I’m lame and I laugh at dumb things but I just shake my head back at them. You do you, and I’ll do me kiddos! Laughter is good for the soul. Do you ever laugh to yourself, when there is nobody around? I do. I find myself doing it at the gym, while I’m on the treadmill and I remember something funny or see something funny on the tv. This is one of my special ME times. Now that I think about it, I hope my fellow gym-goers don’t think that I’m a complete nutcase! Being able to laugh is great, being able to laugh with your spouse is truly liberating! I think my husband is a really funny guy. I laugh at his jokes, he laughs at mine. We laugh together often, as often as we can. As I have mentioned, my husband has depression and so some days, laughter is just not in the cards for us. That’s okay though, it is what it is. It just means that I cherish the fun, happy times, even more, when they come around.

6. She is understanding

My husband and I have been married for 18 years. He has struggled with depression the entire time that I have known him. I never really got it, even though I was trained as a doctor until we got married. Even though I saw countless patients with the same affliction, living with a depressed spouse made it real. It made me finally understand the scope of the illness. It showed me, all too well that this is not just something that affects the patient, it affects everyone around them. One of the characteristic symptoms of depression is decreased or no interest or pleasure in doing things. There would be times that we wanted to do things as a family but my husband had no interest in joining us because he was too depressed. It breaks my heart to see him this way, even now. In the past, I would find myself becoming bitter and disappointed. As the years have gone by, I have become more understanding. I thought I was an understanding person, but I guess you can say that I needed some work. It took my husband’s illness to show me that. I have grown because of it, and now I put my best foot forward when confronted with similar situations. Does that mean that I don’t get disappointed anymore? No, I do, occasionally, but it is my understanding not only of his illness but what he is going through that helps me move forward. According to Vocabulary.com Dictionary, being an understanding person doesn’t take a lot of studying- it takes opening your heart to appreciate what someone else feels or experiences.

7. She is independent

I’ll be the first one to admit that I like being doted upon and I am not ashamed of it. I like it when my husband does things for me and honestly, I have come to expect them. Maybe I’m a little spoiled, but that’s love. Am I still an independent person? Yes! I have my own thoughts, my own ideas, my own beliefs, and my own way of doing things. I still see myself as my own person. I think that is important because it’s when you lose yourself in someone else that problems arise. I equate independence with strength. In a marriage where my spouse is mentally, physically, and emotionally absent sometimes, I must own my independence and draw from the strength that it brings out in me.

8. She is honest

As the saying goes, honesty is the best policy. Nothing good ever comes out of lies. They complicate things. Just stay away from them for the sake of your marriage.

9. She is trustworthy

What this boils down to is this; can your hubby count on you when the going gets tough or difficult decisions need to be made? As I am sure you are aware, the tough times will come. Do you have his back? Can he depend on you? I’ll tell you this……if you are honest, it makes it a whole lot easier to trust you.

10. She can control her anger

Arguments are never fun, not for me anyway. I have never been the confrontational type. I grew up with two amazing parents who would have disagreements but never confronted each other in front of my siblings and me. I learned by example but as with most things, this came with a learning curve. To be able to hold your tongue and not say something that you will regret later is truly a skill but it is one that you must strive to master. If you don’t, twenty years down the line, those words may come back to bite you. Been there, done that. So here’s what I do when I feel the heat rising in me. I stop. I take a step back, literally. I close my eyes, I take a deep breath, and I let my husband know that I am done talking and that we can and will continue after we both get some air. Does he always go along with this? Nope, but I stand my ground and walk away. If your kids witness heated arguing, it can be traumatic for them. You don’t want to set such an example. You just don’t. Having said that, I believe that arguments are healthy for your marriage. It is okay to disagree. It is how you conduct yourself during an argument that makes all the difference. Show restraint, hold your tongue, take your stance. You’ve got this momma!

11. She is patient

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I struggle with this one, big time. It’s really hard for me but I am working on it. After much self-evaluation, I have realized that maybe my expectations, given our circumstances, are just too high. What about you? Are your expectations too high or unrealistic? I live with two individuals who have depression, my husband, and my daughter, so getting things done in a timely fashion doesn’t always happen. What things try your patience? What solutions have you come up with to deal with them? I have had to change my perspective on things. Now, in each situation, I try to look at things from my husband’s perspective, not just my own. Kudos to all you patient people out there! You rock! I’ll certainly let you know when I join the ranks.

12. She is tolerant

As individuals, we don’t always see eye to eye. The world would be quite a dull place if we all thought alike, acted alike, and agreed on everything. To be tolerant means to be accepting of someone else’s point of view even if it doesn’t align with yours. This is make-or-break stuff in marriage. Without tolerance, there can be no unity. Without unity, there may be no marriage to speak of.

So there you have it, the 12 qualities of a good wife. How do you measure up? I know that I am constantly working to not only be a better person for myself but for my husband too. I’d love to hear your thoughts. How much work are you willing to put in to be a better version of yourself?