8 Easy And Effective Ways To Help Struggling Moms

My daughter struggles with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. She had a recent depressive episode, and it prompted me to write this post about easy and effective ways to help struggling moms.

Have you ever wondered why you were tasked with this enormous responsibility of motherhood? Maybe it was a choice, or perhaps the forces of the universe came together and gifted you the opportunity when you didn’t want it or expect it. Yet, here you are, slaving day in and day out, caring for these creatures that call you mom. Motherhood was a choice for me. My yearnings to become a mother started early, in my teens, to be exact. I knew that it was what I wanted and was determined to make my dream come true.

Sure I had to wait several years, but when I held my son in my arms for the first time, I knew that a fantastic adventure was about to begin. And I was ready! Or was I?

I was aware that raising tiny humans wouldn’t always be easy, but I didn’t quite expect some of the struggles that I have had along the way.

“Successful mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up despite the struggles.” – Sharon Jaynes.

My most recent struggle

One thing that we mothers fear the most is failure. Some of us feel that admitting that we are struggling is failure manifesting itself. This couldn’t be further from the truth. On the contrary, it is a sign of strength because we recognize that we may need help. It means that we took a long, hard look at ourselves and found that we were floundering. Introspection is indeed a harrowing task, but it is a necessary one, not just for mothers but for everyone.

I often wrestle with feelings of failure, especially when I see my daughter struggling with her depression or anxiety. Her last episode caught us entirely by surprise. Things had been coming along really well. She was excelling in her academics, her mood was good, and she was doing things with friends. And then, one day, her mood changed, and I knew exactly what was coming next. My heart sank.

And for the next week and a half, my husband and I had to watch her go through this latest depressive episode. It was tough, and it was heartbreaking. Especially after things had been going so well. She lost interest in going to the gym. The girl who makes me go work out every day was not up to it. She was having trouble sleeping, and she was sad all the time.

I’ll tell you, even though we know precisely how these episodes go, they don’t get any easier for her or us. This time, I really struggled. We didn’t see it coming. But then we never do. After seeing her flourish in the past months, witnessing her downward spiral was difficult. And as she struggled, I was right there with her, going through my own personal hell.

Seeing your child suffer isn’t easy. Knowing that there isn’t anything you can do except be there to support her is tough. It takes a toll on you, and you have to do everything you can to take care of yourself and protect your own mental well-being. Rest assured that even though you cannot alter the course of events, you are needed the most during these difficult times. Your child needs you to be strong, and your child needs you now more than ever. And you must be up for the task.

To help struggling moms, first know what they struggle with

Guilt

Being a mom means that you are responsible for your children. But as I have learned, you cannot control everything. When the kids are younger, the degree of control you have is perhaps more than when they grow older, but you are not responsible for EVERYTHING that happens to your children. How can you be? In a world where disease, crime, and misfortune are rampant, some things are unavoidably beyond your control. Granted, knowing this doesn’t make it any easier.

When my daughter was given her mental health diagnosis, that mom-guilt struck me to my core. I wanted to take her illness away so that my baby could lead a good, happy life, but I couldn’t. It was and still is unfortunate, but feeling guilty about it does absolutely nothing. Let it go, mama, please. Put that mom-guilt behind you and move forward. Shift your whole mindset into one of positivity and acceptance and fight like hell to give your kid the life they deserve. Don’t let whatever you feel guilty about have any more control over you. I’m not saying this is easy to do; neither does it happen overnight, but it is possible. LET IT GO.

Comparison

Nobody knows your situation better than you. And let’s face it, unless you are privy to specific pertinent facts, you don’t know what problems people may be dealing with on a daily basis.

“Why compare yourself to others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” – Anonymous.

You alone know the things that you have to deal with. So stop letting the assumptions that you make of others dictate the path you forge for yourself and your family. YOU DO YOU.

Marital stress

As a young mother, I put all of my heart and soul, blood, sweat, and tears, into my motherly duties. Until one day, my dear, sweet husband clued me in to the error of my ways. He didn’t mince words, and instead, he came right out with it, and I was floored.

My husband let me know that he was incredibly proud of the mother I had become. But in the wife department, I was kinda sucking. In my defense, I got pregnant after just a few months of being married. I was a new mom, but I was also a newlywed.

I believed that taking care of the kids was a valid reason for not having time to spend with my husband. After all, I was raising his kids for him, wasn’t I? I was wrong, and I needed to make significant changes before feelings of neglect set in.

Even though those were difficult words to hear at a time when I felt like I was being stretched too thin, I am happy that my husband had the courage to say what he did. It just goes to show how effective communication is. His words jolted me out of a reality that I didn’t even know I was creating. It would undoubtedly have been detrimental to our marriage. Instead, here we are, still going strong after 20 years of marriage.

Not enough time to get things done

Dishes, diapers, sporting events, meals, baths, playdates, cleaning, homework…..and the list goes on! I don’t know about you, but I always feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get things done!

Here are my thoughts: Prioritize. Start each day by making a prioritized list of things to do. Make sure to check things off as you go; that feels so good! Quit being a perfectionist. It’s okay to go to bed even if there is a sink full of dishes. You can do them tomorrow. The laundry can wait till tomorrow too! Clean in little chunks at a time to prevent becoming overwhelmed.

You may not be able to get to everything on your list, and that’s okay. Go ahead and chuck it over to tomorrow’s list! Oh, and at the end of the day, take a look at your list and the checkmarks you made, and do a little happy dance to celebrate getting through the day. No checkmarks? As long as you fed your family and tended to their needs, it’s a win in my books! And it should be in yours too! YOU’VE GOT THIS!

No time for herself

When I think of a mom who neglects herself so that her kids are well cared for, I picture a disheveled woman surrounded by kids dressed to the nines. She has made sure that the kids are taken care of, but she has failed to care for herself. Even though this suggests she has neglected her physical appearance, it runs so much deeper than that. She has given so much of herself that she is depleted and running on empty. Her physical needs: sleep, nourishment, and relaxation have taken a backseat because she simply couldn’t fit them into her day.

We have heard A LOT about self-care in the past few years, and I am so glad it has been brought to the fore. I was one of those moms mentioned above, and I totally see the error of my ways now. My needs took a backseat to the needs of my family. I was running myself ragged, and I wasn’t tending to my own needs. If I took any time for myself, I felt like I was being selfish.

Oh, how very wrong I was! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with taking some time for yourself, and in fact, you simply must. If you don’t, you are cheating yourself and preventing your body and mind from attaining a state of wellness that everyone should strive to achieve. And trust me, when you do, your husband will take notice!

She has difficulty nurturing friendships

Let me just start by saying that a true friend will stick around even if you can’t hang out all the time. If she is a mother, she knows precisely how challenging it can be to find time to do things that are not family-oriented. There will be friends in your life who won’t stick around if you are busy. They probably weren’t even really friends to begin with. Shrug it off and move on. You’ve already got enough on your plate!

The friends that do stick around are the gems. Keep them close and appreciate their presence in your life. The fact that they are still in your life means that they appreciate you, and they value your friendship. These will be the ones that will show up for you during life’s many challenges.

How to help

If your mom friend is struggling, she may not come right out and say it. She may be feeling too embarrassed or defeated to admit to the fact. You may need to tactfully suggest help if you suspect that she needs it. If she refuses, you have to respect her wishes, but you can still come up with alternative, non-intrusive ways to help out. Get creative!

If your mom friend is willing to accept your help, here are eight ways you can make a difference in her life.

1. Be there for her

Speaking from experience, sometimes moms just need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. Getting things out in the open and having someone trusted to share the burden with you can help immensely. She expects you won’t judge her if she opens up about her struggles. Keep the lines of communication open and be available when she needs to talk. Be the kind of friend you would like to have during one of your own rough patches.

2. Send food

This simple but meaningful gesture helps take one aspect of a busy day off your friend’s plate. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate meal, but it can be if you really enjoy cooking! If you’re like me and you avoid the kitchen at all costs, you can also put in an order from her favorite restaurant and have it delivered to her home. Sending food to feed her and her family will equate to gifting time as this will no doubt free up some time in her busy schedule.

3. Give her a gift certificate for a house cleaning

This and sending food are two examples of that non-intrusive help I mentioned earlier. Unless your struggling friend uses cleaning to relieve stress, gifting her a house cleaning will be deeply appreciated. One less thing to stress about! Again this frees up time that she can dedicate to doing other things on her neverending list!

4. Watch her kids so she can have a date night with her partner

Being a mom is important work, but so is being a wife. As you know, my husband made sure I learned that lesson early on in our marriage! What your friend and her hubby do for date night is entirely up to them, but I strongly suggest they do something out of the home. The change in environment makes a huge difference. They get a chance to get out of frumpy loungewear and dress up a little. Leaving the house ensures that they aren’t constantly reminded of all that still needs to be done. They are mentally free to enjoy each other’s company.

5. Have a girls’ night out

Whether it’s a simple spa day or a night on the town, make it happen. Of course, it will be best to coordinate with your friend’s husband to choose a day or night that fits everyone’s schedule. You can even get a babysitter for her kids so her hubby can have a night out with his friends too! The point is just to take her mind off her responsibilities, so she can relax, unwind and recharge. Spending time together also strengthens your friendship bond.

6. Encourage her

Let your friend know she’s doing an incredible job with her kids. Point out the positive things that you can identify and celebrate them with her. This will not only boost her self-esteem, but it will give her the encouragement she needs to keep doing what she’s doing. Who doesn’t like a meaningful compliment once in a while?!

7. Confide in her about your own personal struggles as a mom

Ever heard the saying, “Misery loves company?” Well, that’s kind of what this is except that we’re not talking about misery per se, but struggles that you both may be experiencing. Knowing that she’s not the only one who faces challenges as a mom can be comforting. Most moms know that there are others out there having a difficult time, but actually hearing it from someone helps. Your confiding in her reinforces the mutual trust you have in each other and solidifies your friendship. Now you can help each other out! Acts of service have been proven to increase self-esteem and mood. They result in feelings of satisfaction and well-being. So, it is a win-win situation for you both!

Send her notes of encouragement that you have found while trying to help yourself. Text her with a joke that made you curl up and belly laugh. Tell her about the song you just heard on the radio which weirdly but accurately related to your crazy life as a mom. Let her know that she is never alone. That’s what great friends do!

8. Suggest self-care options she might like and make them happen

Some popular options are:

• manicure/pedicure
• alone time
• retail therapy (give her a gift card to her favorite store)
• coffee break (get together at her favorite coffee shop, give her a Starbucks gift card or buy her coffee one day and go over and have girl-time while sipping on your coffee)
• gift her a visit to a salt cave, something that I recently discovered that has health benefits and serves as a form of relaxation
• gift her an audible membership (if she loves reading but just can’t find time to curl up with her favorite book) Audible Gift Memberships
• Give the Gift of Amazon Prime to reduce her trips to the store. She can then receive orders quickly with two-day, one-day, same-day delivery, as well as 2-hour grocery delivery
• plan a hike or outing for both of your families

And the list of amazing ideas you can come up with goes on!

Conclusion

“Motherhood is not a competition to see who has the smartest kids, the cleanest home, the healthiest dinners, the nicest clothes……Motherhood is YOUR journey with YOUR children.”

– Anonymous

And Lord knows it’s not an easy job. The challenges we face as mothers can sometimes test the very essence of our beings. Certain experiences can shake us to the core and threaten to break us. But we rise up and fight like there is no tomorrow because we are steadfast in our duty to our children. We know our responsibility, and we wake up every morning with the task of tending to our offspring at the top of our to-do list. Though struggles may come, we will take care of ourselves, ask for help, and do the best that we can do every day.

So friends, if you know a mama who is struggling, reach out and extend a helping hand. And for Pete’s sake, if you are the struggling mom, ask for help. There is NO SHAME in that!

As always, if you have anything to add or something you’d like to say, please do so in the comments section. I love hearing from you!

MUCH LOVE AND PEACE.