How To Help Your Teen Diagnosed With An Anxiety Disorder

Raising teenagers is hard work. Raising a teen diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression requires all hands on deck, all of the time. My daughter was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. This was a very challenging time for our family. We had to figure out how to help. We sought medical attention for our daughter, and with the help of her psychiatrist, therapist, and medication, her depression is now under control. It wasn’t an easy ride, and it didn’t happen overnight, but we patiently persevered to get to where we are today.

Unfortunately, just when we felt like we were in a good place, anxiety started rearing its ugly head. And as a result, things took a turn for the worse. The school environment was giving my daughter anxiety in epic proportions, so we had to decide how to help her with her academics and mental health, both of which are equally important. Consequently, she finished up the school year doing online school. It was a difficult decision to make, but without a doubt, it was a necessary one.

Teenagers in today’s world face many social and academic pressures, especially at school. These pressures can be paralyzing for a teen with an anxiety disorder. My husband and I thought we needed to revisit what was being done for my sweet girl’s depression, but some of her symptoms were new, different, and incapacitating. Our daughter subsequently became aversive to school and EVERYTHING about it.

How does an anxiety disorder manifest in a teenager?

Disclaimer: These are our personal experiences with our teenage daughter, who was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Other symptoms and signs may occur. Do your research if you need more information, and seek the appropriate care when necessary.

1. Worry about current events

Presently, much of my daughter’s anxiety manifests in the school environment. As a result, her schoolwork has become a significant source of distress. Poor concentration and lack of drive to get things done (due to the depression) have caused her to fall behind academically. Assignments were not being done, or they were turned in late, and as a result, she became increasingly anxious and overwhelmed as they started piling up.

She worried that she wasn’t smart enough to get them done. She had fears that she would never measure up to her brother, who graduated high school as the class Valedictorian. Worrisome thoughts also plagued her about kids at school. Some had seen her crying during depressive episodes, and she was terrified that they would make fun of her. Furthermore, she agonized endlessly about never measuring up as a daughter. These are all such heavy burdens for a young child to carry.

2. Worry about events that haven’t even happened yet and possibly never will

My sweet girl has been living in a world of “what ifs” for some time now.

When in a new social setting, “What if they don’t like me or they think I’m weird?”

With regards to her illness, “What if this never goes away and I’m like this for the rest of my life?”

Where her education is concerned, “What if I never graduate from high school and go to college?”

Such thinking negatively affects one’s self-esteem and can act as a trigger for symptoms of anxiety.

3. Irritability

If you’ve ever had to deal with an irritable teen, try going toe to toe with one with an anxiety disorder! Your best course of action here would be to acknowledge that this is a manifestation of anxiety and hold your tongue! Even though it may be difficult to understand exactly why your teen is irritable, try to be empathetic.

4. Fear of school

As with my child, many teens dealing with an anxiety disorder may identify many school-related triggers. Consequently, they may be afraid to be at school. When this became a serious issue, we intervened and took my daughter out of the school setting. Her anxiety at school had reached such incredible proportions that she was eventually unable to function adequately.

It would be remiss of me if I didn’t acknowledge the incredible role my daughter’s school has played in her mental well-being. One can only hope that every child dealing with these difficult issues would have not only their family and their medical team in their corner but their school as well.

5. Avoidance of new or difficult situations

To self-protect, the teen diagnosed with an anxiety disorder begins avoiding situations that they anticipate will cause anxiety. These fears may or may not be rational, but that child is unwilling to take the risk.

6. Physical complaints

Here are some of the common ones we observed in our daughter: frequent headaches, abdominal pain, nausea (that’s a big one for her), sweating, fidgeting, fatigue, and trembling. This list is in no way complete, so if you suspect your child may be going through something like this, do some research and seek medical assistance.

7. Lack of concentration

My sweet girl experienced this as part of her depression as well. Lack of concentration led to assignments at school piling up. Her anxiety escalated until she was so overwhelmed that she couldn’t function normally. Her mind would go blank, and consequently, she was unable to get anything done.

8. Inability to relax

My daughter was wound up all the time and was unable to relax even in supposedly relaxing situations.

9. Sleep disturbances

Falling asleep and staying soundly asleep became difficult for my teen. It began with her depression and persisted as she later dealt with her anxiety. She would frequently wake up several times during the night. This poor quality of sleep negatively affected her mood and, more often than not, led to many an unproductive day.

10. Panic attacks

When my daughter had her first panic attack, she was at school. She went through this terrifying experience all by herself, and it breaks my heart to this day that I couldn’t be there for her.

Some of the symptoms of a panic attack are:

• heart racing

• difficulty breathing

• sweating

• shaking or trembling

• dizziness

• nausea

• chest pain

• choking sensation

• fear of dying

Is your teen diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? How can you help them?

Let me start by saying that raising a teen diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression has been undeniably one of the most challenging things I have ever done. If you are dealing with something similar, I would LOVE to connect with you. Nobody should tackle this monster alone, and a support system is a MUST, not just for the teen but for parents and caregivers as well.

There have been times when I felt utter despair and helplessness as I watched my child unravel, and I could do nothing about it. On those occasions, I was too hard on myself. I thought that I was utterly useless in the situation, but in reality, I wasn’t. I WAS THERE FOR HER IN HER TIME OF NEED.

Here are some ways to be helpful if your teen is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder

• Don’t dismiss your teen’s feelings and fears.

Your child’s feelings and fears may seem irrational to you. Whether they are irrational or not, they seem very REAL to your child. Listen, don’t judge. In no uncertain terms, let your child know that their thoughts and feelings matter and that you are there for them 100%.

• Be understanding and aware

When your teen is irritable, it can be absolutely infuriating. Dig down deep within yourself during these trying times and understand that this is the anxiety disorder manifesting. Stay calm, stay patient, and if you need to walk away, do that. Come back when you feel better equipped to handle the situation. If your child is having a panic attack, however, staying with them is best.

• Know what NOT to say to your teen diagnosed with an anxiety disorder

My daughter made this list of things that I should NEVER say while she is in the throes of an episode of anxiety:

“Calm down”

“Don’t worry”

“Stop overthinking it”

“It’s all in your head”

“Suck it up”

“Everyone gets anxious”

“You’ll be fine”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of”

“It’s no big deal”

• Acknowledge and praise small accomplishments

It’s the little things that matter in a world that is overwhelming to your teen. I know for a fact that recognizing your child’s attempts at accomplishing goals, no matter how small, is HUGE.

• Don’t punish your child for mistakes or lack of progress

I get it. Parenting a child diagnosed with an anxiety disorder is hard. We want it to be over, and we want things to get done, how we want and when we want. If your child has an anxiety disorder, chances are this will not happen, at least not until they have learned how to manage their anxiety successfully. We, as parents, can get frustrated. It is imperative that we accept the reality of the diagnosis at hand and that we don’t punish our kids for something they have no control over.

Things TO DO to be helpful when dealing with a teen diagnosed with an anxiety disorder

• Be present

Your child doesn’t need you to be an expert in handling situations involving anxiety. They need YOU. You may not know what to say, and that’s ok. Sometimes they just need a hand to hold or need to see a familiar face or feel a loving presence. Should you know what to do in these circumstances? SURE! Do your research, get input from your child’s medical team, and learn how you can show up for your teen.

• Find an activity to do together

Here’s what’s key here. A child dealing with an anxiety disorder can feel like they are drowning in a sea of worry. They often feel like they have lost a part of themselves somewhere along the way. Find something that your child loves to do. Let them figure out what brings them joy and does not cause any feelings of fear and anxiety. Make sure that you can do the activity together, many times. This sort of activity can be a fantastic outlet for your child to feel like themself again.

My kiddo LOVES to shop. That’s what we do. It doesn’t have to get expensive. Sometimes we make a trip to the dollar store or something similar and find cool things that we can buy.

• Get the school involved

This makes life so much easier! Having the teachers and counselors on your side is an incredible asset to your child’s care. Firstly, they need to know why assignments aren’t getting turned in, and secondly, they need to know that your child is dealing with some pretty heavy stuff.

• Make sure your child has the best medical care

Find your child a psychiatrist and a therapist with whom they are comfortable speaking. After all, your child will be sharing some very intimate details about themselves. I am grateful for the medical care that my teen has received thus far. She has come a long way. The medical team made an incredible suggestion for my daughter when her anxiety had reached its peak. They thought that she could benefit from a Partial Hospitalization Program.

We had hoped that our daughter would begin the program during the summer vacation, but the waiting list was long, and she was placed in the program three weeks before school started. This was a lot later than we had hoped for, but we decided to move forward as planned.

We had concerns that missing a few weeks of school at the beginning of the school year would cause her anxiety to spiral out of control. Nevertheless, we placed our faith in the program and the staff. Above all, we had confidence in our decision. We were assured that this program could provide our child with the necessary skills to tackle her anxiety disorder.

Every day of the week, she would go to the designated facility and spend 4-6 hours there. While there, she would be involved in groups with her peers, and she would have medical staff at her disposal. Coming home at the end of the day ensured that she returned to her “safe place” where the people she loved and trusted were.

Here are some benefits of a Partial Hospitalization Program

• Be around peers with similar problems– my daughter always said we didn’t understand what she was going through. We wanted her to be in an environment where others were dealing with similar issues. Hearing their stories seemed important. Having her story heard by her peers is important too.
• Daily access to a team of medical professionals and behavioral specialists– to have something like this at one’s disposal is invaluable and can only aid in one’s recovery. This team is able to work together to come up with the best possible plan of action for my child. It is so important to have this personalized care. The team of specialists has also worked with the school, keeping them informed on our daughter’s progress and making plans for her return to school.
• Access to both group and individual therapy
• Ability to come home at the end of the day– when the day is done, our teen comes home to us. Home is her “safe place”. We are her comfort.
• Focused attention on learning specific skills to deal with anxiety: See related post: 33 Most Effective Coping Strategies For Anxiety
• Having a place where the child feels like they belong– this is a core need for a teen.
• A safe environment to share thoughts, feelings, and fears

Transitioning back to the school environment

The start of the school year has come and gone. It looked incredibly different for our family this year. At the beginning of August, we moved our firstborn child into his college dorm. We, however, missed out on the opportunity to take pictures of our high schooler on her first day of senior year. This was a small sacrifice for the greater good. We have provided the opportunity for our child to gain the skills she needs to re-enter the school environment. We have done the best we can.

This week was actually her first week back to school. She has now stepped down to an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) level of care in which she attends groups at the facility in the morning and then school in the afternoon. How was her first day back? Well, she was anxious, as is expected. But she was able to work through it by using the skills she learned in treatment. We know that her anxiety isn’t magically going to disappear, but we hope that she has learned enough to help her through it.

In Conclusion

Without a doubt, there are NUMEROUS teens out there dealing with depression and anxiety in today’s world. In fact, according to the CDC (Centers For Disease Control and Prevention), 7.1% of children aged 3-17 years have been diagnosed with anxiety, and 3.2% of children aged 3-17 years have been diagnosed with depression.

So, to ALL of the teens out there carrying these heavy burdens, I know your struggles.

And, to all the moms, dads, and caregivers taking care of a teen diagnosed with an anxiety disorder: YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS. The struggle is real. Take it day by day. Take care of your teen, but most of all, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!