10 Incredibly Important Talks To Have With Your College-Bound Teen

I know some difficult days are ahead. I am sure of this. But the mom in me won’t let up; I intend to have a few IMPORTANT TALKS with my college-bound teen before he leaves.

The realization that the end of summer is upon us is doing a number on me. Messages are coming in from the high school, and I see ads about back-to-school shopping, and heck, I’ve even heard of some poor kids being back out to school already! The HORROR! My daughter will be a senior in high school this year, and next week I send my firstborn off to college. Where on earth did the summer go? How did we get here? With every passing day, I feel the pit in my stomach reach new depths as I realize that in just a few short days, I will be leaving a piece of my heart somewhere where I can’t be.

I’ve been doing that mom thing; you know, the one where we constantly question whether we’ve done a good enough job to send our kids out into the big bad world. Did we bring him up the right way? Did we teach him the proper lessons? Was he even paying attention? Will he be ok on his own? Deep down, I know that he will be. He is pretty independent and totally ready to spread his wings, but am I going to be okay? Let’s be real here; this is as much about me as it is about him. As I sit here, playing out in my mind what that day will look like, I can feel the intense emotion welling up in me. I consider myself a strong woman, I’ve been through a lot, but I can’t help but wonder if driving away from that college campus without my son with me is going to break me. So as you go about your days next week, please spare a thought for all the mamas doing this for the first time, and while you’re at it, spare a thought for me.

I have compiled a list of ten important topics that we need to touch on, and I hope this list will provide some value to you when your turn rolls around.

The 10 Important Talks To Have With Your College-Bound Teen: Listen Up Kiddo

1. Guard your mental health and practice effective stress relief

Let’s face it; this is an incredibly huge step. Moving out on your own can be exciting but overwhelming too. Your very way of life is about to change drastically. YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN! You’ll be solely responsible for everything: academics, personal care, and time management. Even for adults, sometimes, this can be much. If the situation arises, there is no shame in reaching out and asking for help or advice. Find someone you can confide in. Find a healthy and safe outlet for stress relief, like taking up a new sport or taking a walk. Be open to words of wisdom from people that you trust. Learn and practice different coping skills that you can implement in your daily routine to take the stress level down a notch.

2. Choose your friends wisely

Your friends during college life will be stand-ins for family. Pick them well. Firstly, do everything in your power to have a cohesive, good relationship with your roommates because when that relationship goes south, it can make for difficult times. Choose friends who will be a positive influence on you. If someone asks you to do something wrong or something that you are not comfortable with, you should explore other options for friendship. They do NOT have your best interest in mind. Find friends who make you laugh and who are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Find friends who have good study habits and who have their future in mind. Just remember, it’s not the quantity of friendships you have that’s important; it’s the quality of friendships that matters the most.

3. Practice being tidy every day

This might sound silly, but is it, though? Practice putting things back after using them. Fold laundry as you do it, and put the items away, neatly. Keep your study desk uncluttered and organized. If you don’t do this, you will find that things get messy and out of control quickly. Clutter and untidiness lead to chaos and disorganization, and if you remember from the previous point, you must do whatever you can to reduce stress in your life. And besides, who wants to be roommates with a total slob anyway. Take pride in yourself and your belongings!

4. Eat well

For the love of God, don’t forget to eat, please! Give yourself enough time in the morning to have a proper breakfast. It is, after all, touted to be the most important meal of the day. Have a good lunch and a proper dinner at the appropriate times, and don’t snack too much. Stress eating is a thing. You are at college to nourish your mind but don’t forget to nourish your body too.

5. Exercise

Exercise can serve many functions. It fosters good health. It’s a great habit to have, one that you will carry throughout your life. When you treasure your body and how it looks and feels, you will treat it with the respect that it deserves. Working out with friends strengthens those friendships and increases your enthusiasm to go to the gym often. Set workout goals, big or small, and work towards them, together. Most of all, it is a great way to have clean, healthy fun.

6. Stay focused on the end goal

It’s going to be a whirlwind for sure—juggling school and friends and life all on your own in a different environment. And let’s face it, the most significant part of it, possibly the most thrilling part is that all of it is going down without parental supervision. It will be easy and even tempting to throw all sanity and caution to the wind, but I urge you, dear son, to refrain. Have your fun, enjoy life, but NEVER forget why you are there. You are there to further your education and secure a bright future. Keep your eyes peeled on the goal ahead. Stay focused. And while you’re at it, make sure your friends don’t lose sight of their own goals either.

7. Stay grounded

I think it’s safe to say that some kiddos go buck wild at college. Every parent hopes that their kid won’t be that kid, but let’s face it, there’s just no way of knowing. All I can say is this. It is possible to have clean fun. It is possible to juggle every aspect of this new way of life without losing yourself in the process. Remember who you are and what you want to be. Remember what your parents expect of you. Reflect on the lessons they taught you when you were still under their protective, loving wings. It IS possible to have a college experience in which you do not compromise your values and morals. Stay true to yourself. It will serve you well at college and in the long run.

8. Budget your money

You’re living in the real world now, and part of adulting is spending wisely and saving for a rainy day. It can be tempting to eat out all the time or spend your money on alcohol and entertainment, but you can find yourself left with nothing if you don’t pay attention to your spending. If you must eat out, do it maybe once or twice a week. Choose restaurants that won’t break the bank with one visit. And most of all, USE COUPONS! Oh, and why not just skip the booze altogether? Water is way better for you and safer.

9. Be aware of the harmful effects of drugs and alcohol

Whether we are willing to admit it to ourselves, our kids have already been exposed to drugs and alcohol and may have already tried them both. The difference here is that while they lived at home, we parents served as deterrents because no kid wants to get caught. As parents, we could tell if our child had used something that they shouldn’t have. Without parental supervision on the college campus, some teens may, unfortunately, make the wrong choice. Make sure your child is aware of all the bad things that can happen if this gets out of hand. Abuse, addiction, and death are real consequences of these behaviors but are often omitted in conversations simply because they are too difficult to talk about. I IMPLORE you, please talk about this difficult topic with your teen, even if it makes you uncomfortable and especially if there is a history of drug abuse and addiction in your family.

10. The Sex Talk

This is arguably the most dreaded talk of all for parents. If you haven’t already had this talk, I hate to break it to you, my friend; that time has come. It may take you WAY out of your comfort zone, but I promise you, it needs to be done. My kids know that I’ll pretty much say anything that I need to say if it’s for their good. It may make them uncomfortable at first, but they know what my intentions are in the end. As a parent, if you feel like you can’t muster up the nerve to do it, find someone that your teen trusts that can do it.

More teens than we care to admit are sexually active right now. If you feel like your child has already made that decision and that you are too late to have the talk, you are not. It is NEVER too late. They need the facts from you, their trusted source, not from their friends who may be passing along incorrect information. Accurate information from you will give them all the right tools to make informed decisions.

Points to touch on:

• Abstinence is ok.

• Consent is required: it may take different forms, verbal or non-verbal. A yes can also become a no.

• Risks of having sex: HIV, STDs, pregnancy, loss of sense of self-worth.

• Ways to prevent the above risks: abstinence, condoms and contraception, regular visits to the doctor for appropriate testing when needed.

• Sex is not a way to prove that you love someone.

If you think as a parent that you need a little more help, click here.

Also, check out my related post, OFF TO COLLEGE: A LETTER TO MY FIRSTBORN, in which I get all weepy and sentimental but still manage to pull out some nuggets of advice.

Spare a kind thought for this sentimental fool

I hope that this article proves to help you mamas out there who are in the same boat as me. Think of me next week; it’s going to be a tough one. I can’t believe that it is time to send my child off to college, but I should probably get used to the idea quickly. While my heart is full of pride for my Valedictorian high school graduate, it is also heavy with feelings of sadness. This is the natural course of things in this thing called life. As I send you off, son, I wish you nothing but joy, success, and productivity during your time at college. It is your time to spread your wings and fly. When you go, I will take some time to focus on myself. I will take care of ME so I can be there for my other teen who struggles with depression and anxiety. You see, even though one bird is leaving the nest, others remain. A mother’s work is never done.